1
00:00:53,085 --> 00:00:55,985
That wasn't a store robbery.
2
00:00:55,987 --> 00:00:58,087
That was an assassination.
3
00:00:58,089 --> 00:01:01,323
That wasn't a clerk.
That was a wise guy.
4
00:01:01,325 --> 00:01:04,759
How do I know?
5
00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:08,362
I spent a little time with the
FBI's organized crime unit.
6
00:01:08,364 --> 00:01:10,764
I guess you could say that
I'm intimately knowledgeable
7
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:12,866
with the seedy and rancorous
workings of the mob
8
00:01:12,868 --> 00:01:15,435
in the Midwest section of this country.
9
00:01:15,437 --> 00:01:17,603
I know a gangland slaying when I see one,
10
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:19,738
and that's exactly what this baby is.
11
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:23,541
I'd look into it myself personally,
but I got a date tonight.
12
00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:26,277
Think I'll take the private jet out
13
00:01:26,279 --> 00:01:29,079
and fly to Spain, pick up the little lady.
14
00:01:29,081 --> 00:01:31,881
Do the subsonic tummy bump at 30,000 feet.
15
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,683
Then glide back into the U.S.
of A. By dawn.
16
00:01:34,685 --> 00:01:39,286
I know what you're gonna say,
"Jim. Jim Dodge, settle down."
17
00:01:39,288 --> 00:01:41,621
"Relax. You owe it to
yourself."
18
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,789
I'll tell you what I tell everybody else.
19
00:01:43,791 --> 00:01:47,793
Any little Fraulein that
expects anything more from me
20
00:01:47,795 --> 00:01:49,427
than a little bit of pleasure
and a little bit of danger
21
00:01:49,429 --> 00:01:51,695
and a great set of pectorals,
22
00:01:51,697 --> 00:01:53,657
she's looking for a fall right on her ass.
23
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,369
Hubie, Hubie, Hubie, Hubie!
24
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:02,371
Get out of here!
Let me tell you something.
25
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:05,006
If you know what's good for
you, don't you ever come back!
26
00:02:05,742 --> 00:02:07,608
Wait a minute, now, Hubie.
27
00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:09,910
You're not gonna find someone who has
the relationship with those animals
28
00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:11,611
that I do.
29
00:02:11,613 --> 00:02:14,313
Listen to the dogs, Hubie.
They love me!
30
00:02:15,883 --> 00:02:19,050
It all started when I was 15.
31
00:02:19,052 --> 00:02:22,086
That's when I invented
the artificial cow heart.
32
00:02:22,088 --> 00:02:24,755
That was a big thing.
33
00:02:24,757 --> 00:02:28,058
A little before your time, but
it made all the newspapers,
34
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,727
ABC, NBC, CBS, they all picked up on it,
35
00:02:30,729 --> 00:02:34,063
but it's more or less a hobby for me, boys.
36
00:02:34,999 --> 00:02:37,299
Scoot over!
37
00:02:37,301 --> 00:02:39,634
Actually,
38
00:02:40,837 --> 00:02:44,605
today I decided that I've gone
just about as far I can go
39
00:02:44,607 --> 00:02:46,807
in the animal
health-care business.
40
00:02:46,809 --> 00:02:50,076
But that's your question. The reason
that I'm not at work this afternoon,
41
00:02:50,078 --> 00:02:54,847
is because I was made an offer that
I simply cannot refuse. I sold.
42
00:02:54,849 --> 00:02:56,615
Whatcha gonna do with the cash, Jim?
43
00:02:56,617 --> 00:02:58,583
I don't know. Maybe
I'll invest it overseas.
44
00:02:58,585 --> 00:03:00,618
I've got some projects
in eastern Europe right now.
45
00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:02,419
I don't know. I've got
everything a man needs.
46
00:03:02,421 --> 00:03:05,455
Jim, you just bought the animal hospital.
47
00:03:05,457 --> 00:03:08,156
How come you sold it so fast?
48
00:03:09,659 --> 00:03:12,259
Tax problem.
49
00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:14,628
And here's my accountant right now.
50
00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:17,030
Earl, take a bow.
51
00:03:17,032 --> 00:03:20,299
20 minutes for lunch, okay?
Go buy another suit.
52
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,467
He works for me.
53
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:24,802
He's scouting some
real estate for me right now.
54
00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,337
Yeah, but the market's real tight.
55
00:03:30,275 --> 00:03:32,574
I like the new uniform, Lorraine.
56
00:03:35,045 --> 00:03:37,311
You know, with the right shoes and handbag,
57
00:03:37,313 --> 00:03:39,546
that might be suitable for a cocktail party.
58
00:03:40,115 --> 00:03:42,548
So... Question.
59
00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:46,018
When in the world are you going
to start serving sashimi?
60
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:48,053
Maybe when I find out what it is.
61
00:03:49,189 --> 00:03:52,956
You've never heard of sashimi?
62
00:03:52,958 --> 00:03:55,158
You've got to be kidding.
63
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,461
It's this special Japanese fish you eat raw.
64
00:03:58,463 --> 00:04:00,029
With a little butter sauce,
65
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:03,132
and you're ready to go to heaven.
66
00:04:03,134 --> 00:04:08,170
I'd hire you in a minute if I hadn't
already fired you so many times.
67
00:04:08,172 --> 00:04:10,872
Did you ever think of leaving town?
68
00:04:12,008 --> 00:04:15,309
Thousands of people
over in St. Louis...
69
00:04:15,311 --> 00:04:18,478
Got no idea how full of shit you are.
70
00:04:20,315 --> 00:04:23,816
You've been alive for 21 years, my friend.
71
00:04:23,818 --> 00:04:28,052
Plenty of time for most people
to find a place for themselves.
72
00:04:29,488 --> 00:04:32,155
Well, I'm not like everybody else.
73
00:04:32,157 --> 00:04:34,724
You know what I'm saying?
74
00:04:34,726 --> 00:04:36,892
Yeah, that's for sure.
75
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,663
How about if I...
76
00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:43,898
I work for you for free?
77
00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:48,268
No.
78
00:04:48,270 --> 00:04:50,803
I'm afraid not, Jimmy.
79
00:04:51,505 --> 00:04:54,171
Think about St. Louis.
80
00:04:55,707 --> 00:04:57,239
- Hey, Josie.
- Hi.
81
00:04:57,241 --> 00:04:58,506
Fill her up?
82
00:04:58,508 --> 00:04:59,740
Fill her up.
83
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,926
How you doin'?
84
00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:39,542
You got fired again,
didn't you? Didn't you?
85
00:05:39,544 --> 00:05:41,243
Yeah.
86
00:05:41,245 --> 00:05:42,611
Who told you that?
87
00:05:42,613 --> 00:05:45,046
Hubie Marshall called me at work.
88
00:05:45,048 --> 00:05:47,214
He called you at work?
89
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:51,050
That's it. Okay, I'm gonna... I'll speak...
What'd he say?
90
00:05:51,052 --> 00:05:53,886
He said he fired ya!
91
00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:56,255
He said that?
And you believed him?
92
00:05:56,257 --> 00:05:58,090
Damn straight I do!
93
00:05:58,092 --> 00:06:03,061
With all due respect, Dad, you're Mr.
Gullible, sometimes.
94
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,296
The truth of the matter is, Dad, I resigned.
95
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,397
I'll tell you something else, Dad.
96
00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:08,431
Shut up, Jimmy!
97
00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:10,633
When I took the job, I had no idea
98
00:06:10,635 --> 00:06:13,669
it was gonna be
a hire-fire situation.
99
00:06:13,671 --> 00:06:16,138
Luther Betenhauser's boy
is doing much better.
100
00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:17,439
What's wrong with him?
101
00:06:17,441 --> 00:06:18,740
Fell off his grandfather's silo.
102
00:06:18,742 --> 00:06:20,074
He's got brain damage.
103
00:06:20,076 --> 00:06:21,308
He does not.
104
00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:22,942
He does, too.
105
00:06:22,944 --> 00:06:24,743
Hoover Fey says his tongue's gonna hang out
106
00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:26,444
the side of his mouth the rest of his life.
107
00:06:26,446 --> 00:06:28,245
And when he dies and they bury him,
108
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:30,580
at the funeral they're
gonna put a mask on him.
109
00:06:30,582 --> 00:06:33,015
Do I have to listen to
this while I'm eating?
110
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,717
Let's talk about something else.
111
00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:43,290
Josie McClellan moved to New York.
112
00:06:43,292 --> 00:06:46,259
She did not. I saw her today.
113
00:06:46,261 --> 00:06:48,261
Well, I don't know how you could.
114
00:06:48,263 --> 00:06:51,197
I heard at the bank that she got
tired of taking care of her father,
115
00:06:51,199 --> 00:06:52,965
and she told him to jump in a lake,
116
00:06:52,967 --> 00:06:56,034
and then she left for New York to
get her MBA in high-fashion design
117
00:06:56,036 --> 00:06:58,703
at the University of New York City.
118
00:06:58,705 --> 00:07:02,472
I just saw her down at the
gas station in living color.
119
00:07:02,474 --> 00:07:05,107
We had a cup of java together.
120
00:07:05,109 --> 00:07:09,177
Well, I'm gonna take Lou Selby's
word over yours any day.
121
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,947
Lou Selby.
Lou Selby's a drunk.
122
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:15,716
You know, for a guy who's just
lost his umpteenth job,
123
00:07:15,718 --> 00:07:17,684
you sure are handy with the tongue sword.
124
00:07:17,686 --> 00:07:19,786
You got canned again?
125
00:07:19,788 --> 00:07:21,788
Well, he didn't get canned.
126
00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:23,889
He got fired.
127
00:07:25,225 --> 00:07:27,105
That's gotta be some kind of a record.
128
00:07:31,496 --> 00:07:33,462
Not only are you an obnoxious slug,
129
00:07:33,464 --> 00:07:36,231
but you're a freeloading obnoxious slug.
130
00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:38,132
Well, you should talk.
131
00:07:38,134 --> 00:07:40,654
What are you? In your mid-forties
and still living at home.
132
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,537
I'm 24, and I pay rent.
133
00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:46,237
So do I.
134
00:07:46,239 --> 00:07:47,371
You did pay rent.
135
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:51,640
Dad, you mean you're cutting my rent?
136
00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:53,708
Hell, no!
137
00:07:53,710 --> 00:07:55,476
You're not paying a rent
'cause you don't have a job
138
00:07:55,478 --> 00:07:57,077
and you don't have any money.
139
00:07:57,079 --> 00:07:59,779
You're out of school and you live
in this house, you pay rent!
140
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,900
Jim! Yo, Jim!
141
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,935
Jim, wake up!
142
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,271
Hey, get up!
143
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,574
Get up!
144
00:08:35,013 --> 00:08:38,147
You know, getting this job,
145
00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:40,282
restoring your faith and pride in me
146
00:08:40,284 --> 00:08:42,350
is a number-one
priority right now, Dad.
147
00:08:42,352 --> 00:08:45,720
Priority ought to be making
something of yourself.
148
00:08:45,722 --> 00:08:47,455
That's right up there.
149
00:08:47,457 --> 00:08:51,691
When I was your age, I couldn't
wait to get out of my folks' house.
150
00:08:53,561 --> 00:08:55,193
I love living at home.
151
00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:09,238
I don't think this is such a
great place for me to work, Dad.
152
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:13,541
Okay,
153
00:09:13,543 --> 00:09:16,744
say I don't get this job, hypothetically.
154
00:09:17,379 --> 00:09:18,911
Are you gonna be upset?
155
00:09:18,913 --> 00:09:22,313
You don't get this job,
you're on a bus to St. Louis.
156
00:09:22,315 --> 00:09:24,081
St. Louis?
157
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,817
Uncle Jeff's offered to put you
to work in his garden shop.
158
00:09:26,819 --> 00:09:28,718
I don't know anything about gardening.
159
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,153
You will learn!
160
00:09:31,155 --> 00:09:34,523
I'm getting a distinct feeling
that you want me out of your life.
161
00:09:34,525 --> 00:09:37,558
I don't want you out of my life.
I want you out of my house.
162
00:09:39,428 --> 00:09:41,060
Wow.
Out!
163
00:09:41,062 --> 00:09:42,895
Okay, okay, okay.
164
00:09:58,845 --> 00:10:01,612
Are you sure I can't offer you
a coffee and a bear claw?
165
00:10:01,614 --> 00:10:03,180
No, thanks.
166
00:10:03,182 --> 00:10:04,915
They're very good, they're fresh.
167
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:06,683
No, I'm fine.
168
00:10:06,685 --> 00:10:08,685
You don't want one, and I don't need one.
169
00:10:10,121 --> 00:10:11,453
Right!
170
00:10:11,455 --> 00:10:13,254
I love the darn things, though, I tell you.
171
00:10:13,256 --> 00:10:15,556
You know, I got a sweet tooth, I
could eat those things by the dozen.
172
00:10:15,558 --> 00:10:17,257
By the looks of it, I have.
173
00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:18,891
Right.
174
00:10:18,893 --> 00:10:22,561
I tell ya, I'm so excited
that you're considering
175
00:10:22,563 --> 00:10:25,096
joining the Target team.
We all are.
176
00:10:26,466 --> 00:10:28,032
I appreciate that.
177
00:10:28,034 --> 00:10:31,535
Good, then, let's cut
right to the chase, shall we?
178
00:10:32,704 --> 00:10:36,105
We're prepared to offer you $42,500 a year,
179
00:10:36,107 --> 00:10:38,273
with a full benefit package.
180
00:10:38,975 --> 00:10:41,041
That's dental, medical,
181
00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:43,143
profit sharing, pension,
182
00:10:43,145 --> 00:10:45,979
expense account, car allowance,
183
00:10:45,981 --> 00:10:47,914
vacation, of course,
184
00:10:47,916 --> 00:10:51,284
and any and all relocating expenses.
185
00:10:51,286 --> 00:10:55,821
This is our first, best, and last offer.
What do you think?
186
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,623
Well...
187
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,826
C.D., with all due respect,
188
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,561
I came in here
189
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:06,463
with the number 45 in my mind, and...
190
00:11:28,582 --> 00:11:31,115
You've got me.
191
00:11:32,184 --> 00:11:33,750
45 it is.
192
00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:36,652
Welcome aboard.
193
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,086
Thank you.
194
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:39,253
I'd like to buy you lunch.
195
00:11:39,255 --> 00:11:40,654
No, no, no.
196
00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:42,822
Your money's no good here.
Lunch is mine, all right?
197
00:11:42,824 --> 00:11:44,323
I'm not going to argue with you.
198
00:11:44,325 --> 00:11:46,205
You better not.
I'm bigger than you are.
199
00:11:47,294 --> 00:11:49,260
Hang on a second, will you?
I told her to hold my calls.
200
00:11:49,262 --> 00:11:50,794
Get it.
201
00:11:50,796 --> 00:11:52,328
Yeah, Peg.
202
00:11:53,264 --> 00:11:55,931
No, it's okay.
203
00:11:55,933 --> 00:11:57,465
No, he's right here with me now.
204
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:58,966
Hi, Peg.
205
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,268
We just closed the deal.
206
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:05,504
It was a slam-dunk, too.
I got him for 45.
207
00:12:10,644 --> 00:12:12,510
No, he's right here.
208
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:16,679
What do you mean, he missed the plane?
209
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,416
Then who the hell am I talking to?
210
00:12:23,319 --> 00:12:25,352
Lord!
211
00:12:26,988 --> 00:12:30,355
I'll...
I'll get back to you.
212
00:12:31,891 --> 00:12:33,690
Hey, I know a great little Italian place
213
00:12:33,692 --> 00:12:36,626
that has the best pasta primatonis in the...
214
00:12:36,628 --> 00:12:38,461
Excuse me a minute, will you, please?
215
00:12:38,463 --> 00:12:39,895
Lovely wife you have there.
216
00:12:39,897 --> 00:12:41,296
Dodge, James?
217
00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:48,701
James, I'm afraid we have a
little misunderstanding here.
218
00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:51,370
You see, I thought you came in for the...
219
00:12:51,372 --> 00:12:54,706
Operations Manager's job.
220
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:57,208
I have you down here as night cleanup boy.
221
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,345
Well, I'm a little overpaid
222
00:13:02,347 --> 00:13:05,247
for night cleanup boy,
wouldn't you say, C.D.?
223
00:13:06,984 --> 00:13:10,518
The truth is, James, I can
offer you $4.44 per hour.
224
00:13:14,056 --> 00:13:17,523
Four, four... $4.44...
225
00:13:17,525 --> 00:13:19,324
$4.44.
226
00:13:19,326 --> 00:13:21,259
What about the benefits?
227
00:13:21,261 --> 00:13:23,661
Two fifteen-minute breaks
and a half hour for lunch.
228
00:13:25,031 --> 00:13:28,899
And the title is, night cleanup boy?
229
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,899
Yes.
230
00:13:33,403 --> 00:13:35,202
I'll take it.
231
00:13:35,204 --> 00:13:37,337
And, lose the curl.
232
00:13:38,873 --> 00:13:40,973
Welcome to the Target team.
Thank you.
233
00:13:42,676 --> 00:13:45,943
So the parrot says, "Of course, I can talk.
Can you fly?"
234
00:13:50,515 --> 00:13:54,349
I don't want any damn Japanese
automobile plant in this town.
235
00:13:57,187 --> 00:13:59,187
It means jobs.
236
00:14:00,356 --> 00:14:02,289
I don't need a job.
237
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:05,358
Your governor's tryin' to use
my town as a political chip.
238
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,093
Gentlemen, I resent that.
239
00:14:07,095 --> 00:14:10,996
Well, there could be some specific
benefits for you personally.
240
00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:16,799
Josie!
241
00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:21,570
Yeah?
Come here.
242
00:14:21,572 --> 00:14:24,772
I want you to meet these gentlemen
from the governor's office.
243
00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:28,107
Come on in here, honey.
244
00:14:44,623 --> 00:14:45,989
Honey, I want you to meet Bill...
245
00:14:45,991 --> 00:14:47,323
Bob.
246
00:14:48,559 --> 00:14:50,292
Bob Bosenbeck.
247
00:14:53,629 --> 00:14:54,794
Bob.
248
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:11,976
Dave.
249
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,414
My pleasure, Dave.
250
00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:21,117
Right.
Dave Hockner.
251
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,354
I don't want to interrupt your meeting.
252
00:15:25,356 --> 00:15:27,456
Very nice to meet both of you.
253
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:29,524
Bye.
254
00:15:29,526 --> 00:15:31,192
Bye.
255
00:15:36,032 --> 00:15:37,831
Josie?
256
00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:40,800
Josie!
257
00:15:48,373 --> 00:15:51,607
You pull another stunt like you did today,
258
00:15:51,609 --> 00:15:54,443
I'll beat the livin' daylights outta you!
259
00:16:15,729 --> 00:16:16,894
All right, out!
260
00:16:20,232 --> 00:16:24,000
Out of here, man.
Get out of here!
261
00:16:24,002 --> 00:16:25,134
Get out of the car!
262
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:46,982
Right on time!
263
00:16:50,354 --> 00:16:52,253
Everything's going as planned.
264
00:16:53,422 --> 00:16:54,654
You ordered a limousine?
265
00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:58,223
Of course.
266
00:16:59,025 --> 00:17:00,424
My first day at work.
267
00:17:00,426 --> 00:17:03,493
How's it gonna look if my dad drives me?
268
00:17:03,495 --> 00:17:05,595
A little treat to
myself for getting the job.
269
00:17:05,597 --> 00:17:07,496
It was only 50 bucks.
270
00:17:09,999 --> 00:17:11,331
Right on time, Henry.
271
00:17:11,333 --> 00:17:12,999
Yes, sir.
272
00:17:13,001 --> 00:17:14,767
Henry, the sign...
273
00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:16,435
Very well, sir.
274
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,838
Ciao!
275
00:17:28,345 --> 00:17:30,845
Hey, Jim, where are you going?
276
00:17:31,714 --> 00:17:34,281
Hello, boys.
277
00:17:34,283 --> 00:17:36,716
Going to Paris on an F-14.
278
00:17:36,718 --> 00:17:39,618
Got a little peace meeting with
the Vice-President of Bulgaria.
279
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:42,454
Business, you know?
Then I'm going to Venice,
280
00:17:42,456 --> 00:17:45,123
for a big spaghetti dinner
with the princess of Austria.
281
00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:47,792
A beautiful lady...
Really big bones.
282
00:17:47,794 --> 00:17:50,561
Remember to brush your teeth, Melvin!
283
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:53,797
You, too, Sidney! Adios!
284
00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:58,268
Jim is so cool!
285
00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:26,241
Bobby.
286
00:19:27,642 --> 00:19:29,958
Got a loose tile here.
First thing in the morning,
287
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,427
I want you to take some epoxy
cement and take care of this.
288
00:19:32,429 --> 00:19:34,562
I don't need a lawsuit, okay?
289
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:37,064
I've got enough to worry about.
290
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:40,066
Who's he?
291
00:19:40,068 --> 00:19:41,667
Attention shoppers.
292
00:19:41,669 --> 00:19:43,502
The store will be closing in five minutes.
293
00:19:43,504 --> 00:19:46,805
Please bring all your purchases
to the front. Thank you.
294
00:20:25,645 --> 00:20:26,877
Are you a slacker?
295
00:20:27,813 --> 00:20:31,047
No, Presbyterian.
296
00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:33,349
What did you say?
What did you say?
297
00:20:33,351 --> 00:20:35,451
I'm askin' you a simple question.
298
00:20:35,453 --> 00:20:37,686
Are you lazy?
No, sir.
299
00:20:37,688 --> 00:20:40,021
'Cause the last guy that wore
that uniform was a lazy slacker,
300
00:20:40,023 --> 00:20:41,856
and I fired his no-good butt.
301
00:20:43,226 --> 00:20:45,993
About the uniform,
302
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,627
will I be getting my own?
303
00:20:47,629 --> 00:20:50,062
You work out, which I doubt,
304
00:20:50,064 --> 00:20:51,797
you can have yourself a new name patch.
305
00:20:56,869 --> 00:20:59,502
Would I be able to have it laundered?
306
00:20:59,504 --> 00:21:01,470
It smells a little bit like Darnell.
307
00:21:01,472 --> 00:21:04,473
I don't think you know
who you're messin' with, boy.
308
00:21:04,475 --> 00:21:06,975
Right, after you clean the
ladies' and men's crappers,
309
00:21:06,977 --> 00:21:09,143
I'm talking about you'd better
be able to eat off those bowls.
310
00:21:09,145 --> 00:21:10,978
Sure.
You clean my coffeemaker,
311
00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:12,546
then you wax my desk.
312
00:21:12,548 --> 00:21:14,814
Clean what?
313
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,549
You clean my coffeemaker and wax my desk!
314
00:21:16,551 --> 00:21:18,584
I got it!
315
00:21:18,586 --> 00:21:20,819
You, sweep the aisles, startin'
with health and beauty,
316
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:22,687
and you work your way over
to juniors and misses.
317
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,656
Ups and downs, leaving your
debris in the cross aisles.
318
00:21:25,658 --> 00:21:26,823
So I start with health and beauty...
319
00:21:26,825 --> 00:21:28,157
What did I just say?
320
00:21:28,159 --> 00:21:30,192
I just said to start
with health and beauty, okay?
321
00:21:30,194 --> 00:21:31,826
Then you do your cross aisles.
322
00:21:31,828 --> 00:21:33,661
That'll bring your dustbin into play.
323
00:21:33,663 --> 00:21:35,929
You take the debris.
You load it into the dustbin.
324
00:21:35,931 --> 00:21:38,831
You take the dustbin out
to the loading dock area
325
00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:40,732
and you empty it into the receptacle.
326
00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:42,033
You got that? Easy as pie.
327
00:21:42,035 --> 00:21:43,667
Yeah.
328
00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:45,669
Now, I was employed for a brief
period at Del Taco, and...
329
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:48,505
I don't care about your
Del Taco experiences, boy.
330
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:51,007
All right. Now, we've got this little
problem in this store with grazers.
331
00:21:51,009 --> 00:21:52,775
You know what a grazer is, boy?
332
00:21:52,777 --> 00:21:55,010
Is that some sort of farm term?
333
00:21:55,012 --> 00:21:56,778
A grazer is a customer or an employee
334
00:21:56,780 --> 00:21:58,513
that eats off the shelves, okay?
335
00:21:58,515 --> 00:22:01,349
Sort of similar to a cow
grazing in a field of grass.
336
00:22:01,351 --> 00:22:03,951
Only this isn't a field of grass,
okay, and you're not a cow.
337
00:22:03,953 --> 00:22:06,586
There's no eatin'. You're not
being paid to eat, so don't!
338
00:22:06,588 --> 00:22:08,054
You got any questions?
339
00:22:08,056 --> 00:22:09,455
Not right offhand, no.
340
00:22:09,457 --> 00:22:10,956
You think you can handle it?
341
00:22:10,958 --> 00:22:12,390
I'll give it the old college try.
342
00:22:12,392 --> 00:22:13,991
Don't touch me!
343
00:22:14,927 --> 00:22:17,360
Well, despite our age difference,
344
00:22:17,362 --> 00:22:19,028
I think I'm really gonna
enjoy working with you.
345
00:22:19,030 --> 00:22:21,230
Let's get something straight, boy.
You ain't workin' with me.
346
00:22:21,232 --> 00:22:23,198
You're working for me.
347
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,867
Still, I think it's gonna
be fun being around you.
348
00:22:25,869 --> 00:22:27,435
Yeah, I ain't gonna be anywhere near you.
349
00:22:27,437 --> 00:22:29,937
I'm gonna be home pumping the
pasties out of Colleen Jackson.
350
00:22:29,939 --> 00:22:31,371
You're not going to be here?
351
00:22:31,373 --> 00:22:32,705
Hell, no.
352
00:22:34,308 --> 00:22:37,976
I'm gonna be here by myself?
353
00:22:37,978 --> 00:22:41,712
Yeah, that's right! And you'd better
stay out of the ladies' undergoods.
354
00:22:43,248 --> 00:22:46,616
Wait a minute. Nobody told
me I'd be here alone.
355
00:22:46,618 --> 00:22:48,050
What are you doing?
356
00:22:48,052 --> 00:22:49,418
Saving money.
357
00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:51,386
Wait a minute. Are you
turning off the lights?
358
00:22:51,388 --> 00:22:53,888
In 25 seconds, you got light
in every third aisle.
359
00:22:53,890 --> 00:22:55,122
When the sun comes up, you turn off
360
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:56,964
all the lights.
You understand?
361
00:22:57,259 --> 00:23:00,226
No, I don't understand.
Just hold on a second!
362
00:23:00,228 --> 00:23:01,994
I'm locking you in.
363
00:23:01,996 --> 00:23:05,363
When I come back at 7:00 to
open up, I'll let you out.
364
00:23:07,633 --> 00:23:09,633
You're locking me in?
365
00:23:09,635 --> 00:23:11,234
What do you take me for, a fool?
366
00:23:11,236 --> 00:23:14,737
Nobody gets a set of keys
on their first night. Nobody!
367
00:23:14,739 --> 00:23:16,705
Now, get to work!
368
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:18,639
What if there's a fire?
369
00:23:18,641 --> 00:23:20,401
Then the fire department will come.
370
00:23:20,676 --> 00:23:21,975
I could perish!
371
00:23:21,977 --> 00:23:23,443
Boo!
372
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:26,946
You can't do this. I'm locked
in, alone, in the dark.
373
00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:29,014
That was not a part
of my employment agreement.
374
00:25:46,750 --> 00:25:48,782
9:17?
375
00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:53,118
Time for a break.
376
00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:20,142
Hello.
377
00:26:22,412 --> 00:26:24,044
Anybody out there?
378
00:26:24,046 --> 00:26:26,012
When I accepted the...
379
00:26:26,014 --> 00:26:29,281
The post of President,
grand Pooh-Bah of Target,
380
00:26:31,084 --> 00:26:33,651
realizing that I have brought
381
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,120
meaningfulness and peace and happiness,
382
00:26:37,122 --> 00:26:39,489
into the lives of thousands of people.
383
00:26:40,191 --> 00:26:42,858
Jim Dodge, of Monroe,
384
00:26:42,860 --> 00:26:44,860
top moneymaker on the tour.
385
00:26:44,862 --> 00:26:47,362
His father's here today, Bud Dodge,
386
00:26:47,364 --> 00:26:49,230
and sister Penny, a sad, sad story,
387
00:26:49,232 --> 00:26:52,366
was just admitted to university hospital.
388
00:26:52,368 --> 00:26:56,203
While trying to pop a zit, her
head mysteriously exploded.
389
00:27:20,590 --> 00:27:22,289
Dad! Hi!
390
00:27:22,291 --> 00:27:24,224
Jim, do you know what time it is?
391
00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:28,094
You know, I'm starting to think
about Christmas and gifts,
392
00:27:28,096 --> 00:27:31,563
because I'm in a big store and I'm
starting to get a lot of gift ideas.
393
00:27:31,565 --> 00:27:32,897
Hi.
394
00:27:32,899 --> 00:27:34,431
Mom, hi!
395
00:27:34,433 --> 00:27:36,399
How's it going?
396
00:27:36,401 --> 00:27:39,568
Well, I finished all my janitor
stuff, I've finished most of it.
397
00:27:39,570 --> 00:27:41,436
I've got to save some stuff for later.
398
00:27:41,438 --> 00:27:43,504
But it's easy as hell.
399
00:27:43,506 --> 00:27:46,240
Honey, it's a little late.
400
00:27:46,242 --> 00:27:49,343
Yeah, it is kind of late.
Well, sleep tight.
401
00:27:50,679 --> 00:27:52,779
See you in the morning.
402
00:27:52,781 --> 00:27:54,347
Love you, too.
403
00:27:59,586 --> 00:28:01,752
Mr. James Dodge!
404
00:28:57,575 --> 00:29:00,709
He can't be happy as the night cleanup boy.
405
00:29:02,546 --> 00:29:04,279
Sweetheart...
406
00:29:05,181 --> 00:29:07,814
He wants us to call him a janitor.
407
00:29:10,318 --> 00:29:14,586
Maybe I should have spent less time
harping and more time helping.
408
00:29:15,488 --> 00:29:17,888
Harpin' and helpin' him what?
409
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:23,326
Harpin' on him to leave,
and helpin' him become the...
410
00:29:23,328 --> 00:29:26,429
Good, mature, productive person he could be.
411
00:30:56,585 --> 00:30:58,318
Are you all right?
412
00:30:59,988 --> 00:31:01,854
Yes, I'm fine, thanks.
413
00:31:01,856 --> 00:31:02,921
And you?
414
00:31:04,524 --> 00:31:05,990
What are you doing here?
415
00:31:07,593 --> 00:31:09,926
I work here.
416
00:31:09,928 --> 00:31:11,861
Have a good one, Officer Don.
417
00:31:11,863 --> 00:31:15,830
Okay, Carl. Keep in touch. Let
me know if you hear anything.
418
00:31:15,832 --> 00:31:17,398
You bet.
419
00:31:19,301 --> 00:31:21,634
Well, sir, she didn't leave on the bus.
420
00:31:21,636 --> 00:31:24,837
Apparently, she isn't here. Let's
go look for her someplace else.
421
00:31:24,839 --> 00:31:28,273
She wouldn't be dumb
enough to thumb, would she?
422
00:31:28,275 --> 00:31:31,775
Does she have any friends that
she might have run off with?
423
00:31:32,344 --> 00:31:34,110
Boyfriends?
424
00:31:34,112 --> 00:31:37,613
Would you just get in the car so we
can go look for the girl, please?
425
00:31:37,615 --> 00:31:39,648
I'm tired, I had to get out of the bed,
426
00:31:39,650 --> 00:31:41,683
I haven't had any coffee.
I don't feel good.
427
00:31:41,685 --> 00:31:43,051
My daughter, I don't know
where the hell she is.
428
00:31:43,053 --> 00:31:44,819
And you're standing by the car there,
429
00:31:44,821 --> 00:31:46,654
sounding like some goddamn
preacher or something!
430
00:31:46,656 --> 00:31:48,288
Come on. Get in the car!
431
00:31:50,058 --> 00:31:51,290
Prick.
432
00:31:56,163 --> 00:31:58,463
Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself?
433
00:31:58,465 --> 00:32:01,165
No. Are you kidding?
434
00:32:01,167 --> 00:32:03,700
No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
435
00:32:03,702 --> 00:32:05,134
Can I ask what you were doing?
436
00:32:05,136 --> 00:32:07,136
I was roller-skating.
437
00:32:08,005 --> 00:32:09,671
I know, but why?
438
00:32:09,673 --> 00:32:11,806
Why not?
439
00:32:11,808 --> 00:32:15,476
I got bored. One thing
led to another and...
440
00:32:15,478 --> 00:32:18,579
And I'm roller-skating
in my shorts.
441
00:32:18,581 --> 00:32:20,881
Better question would be,
"What are you doing here?"
442
00:32:21,583 --> 00:32:23,316
Shopping.
443
00:32:23,318 --> 00:32:25,918
Well, we've been closed for five hours.
444
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,186
Yeah. I fell asleep.
445
00:32:28,188 --> 00:32:29,687
While shopping?
446
00:32:29,689 --> 00:32:31,321
No, in the ladies' dressing room.
447
00:32:31,323 --> 00:32:34,891
That makes no sense. You're a
high-profile young ingenue.
448
00:32:34,893 --> 00:32:36,692
I was debating...
What?
449
00:32:36,694 --> 00:32:40,095
Whether or not to get
arrested for shoplifting.
450
00:32:40,097 --> 00:32:43,264
Doesn't your father own, like, $10 million
worth of real estate in this town?
451
00:32:43,266 --> 00:32:45,065
Well, it's not my fault.
452
00:32:45,067 --> 00:32:46,833
No, no, I didn't imply such.
453
00:32:46,835 --> 00:32:50,069
It just seems funny that someone of your...
454
00:32:50,071 --> 00:32:51,837
Wealth?
455
00:32:51,839 --> 00:32:53,505
If you will.
Would be shoplifting...
456
00:32:53,507 --> 00:32:55,974
I didn't do it.
I chickened out.
457
00:32:56,910 --> 00:32:59,610
Would consider shoplifting.
458
00:32:59,612 --> 00:33:03,346
It's a long, dull, self-indulgent,
highly unromantic story
459
00:33:03,348 --> 00:33:05,848
about an overbearing father,
460
00:33:05,850 --> 00:33:08,050
deceased mother and brother
461
00:33:08,052 --> 00:33:11,686
and a completely confused girl
who looks a little like me.
462
00:33:49,455 --> 00:33:52,255
I sure am glad you dropped by.
463
00:33:52,257 --> 00:33:55,057
I was getting pretty
tired of being with myself.
464
00:33:58,095 --> 00:34:01,896
I guess... I guess, I'm what
you call a people person.
465
00:34:05,067 --> 00:34:06,299
What are you cooking?
466
00:34:06,301 --> 00:34:07,466
Hobo Chicken.
467
00:34:07,468 --> 00:34:09,835
It's a glazed chicken in wine sauce
468
00:34:09,837 --> 00:34:12,771
with vegetables
and skin-on potatoes.
469
00:34:12,773 --> 00:34:14,973
Silverware... Silverware...
470
00:34:18,278 --> 00:34:20,244
It's only 210 calories.
471
00:34:20,246 --> 00:34:22,512
And I don't know if you're watching
472
00:34:22,514 --> 00:34:24,747
your figure, but I sure am.
473
00:34:24,749 --> 00:34:26,949
If you can just grab a serving spoon
474
00:34:26,951 --> 00:34:29,084
over there, I think we'll be set.
475
00:34:34,357 --> 00:34:36,523
Keep your distance from these things.
476
00:34:36,525 --> 00:34:38,758
I think it's safe to keep five feet.
477
00:34:43,764 --> 00:34:45,929
I think they're about done.
478
00:34:48,099 --> 00:34:50,498
Well, dining room's right this way.
479
00:34:57,671 --> 00:35:01,271
I think my father poured
the cement for your pool.
480
00:35:02,707 --> 00:35:05,707
He's a cement contractor.
Good man.
481
00:35:06,843 --> 00:35:08,375
Bud Dodge?
482
00:35:08,377 --> 00:35:11,177
My mother works at Hoenicker's
over Christmas, part time.
483
00:35:11,179 --> 00:35:13,045
My sister's a teller at the bank.
484
00:35:13,047 --> 00:35:15,947
My brother's in grade school.
He's not employed at the moment.
485
00:35:15,949 --> 00:35:18,683
I used to work at the animal shelter.
486
00:35:18,685 --> 00:35:22,186
But I was terminated. And now...
Now I'm working here.
487
00:35:24,657 --> 00:35:26,289
Do you always talk this much?
488
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,561
Yeah, I guess I do.
489
00:35:31,563 --> 00:35:33,629
I like talking to people.
490
00:35:35,599 --> 00:35:38,066
I was thinking maybe
you should go into sales.
491
00:35:38,068 --> 00:35:39,333
I've actually tried that.
492
00:35:46,741 --> 00:35:49,108
Some fresh ground pepper?
493
00:35:49,110 --> 00:35:50,542
Please.
494
00:35:53,013 --> 00:35:54,846
Some people don't like a lot of pepper.
495
00:35:54,848 --> 00:35:56,647
Say when.
That's fine.
496
00:35:57,850 --> 00:35:59,616
I happen to really like it a lot.
497
00:35:59,618 --> 00:36:03,152
I think it enhances the natural
flavor of the chicken.
498
00:36:06,757 --> 00:36:09,491
I hope you don't take this the wrong way.
499
00:36:10,327 --> 00:36:12,460
I've had dreams about you.
500
00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:14,661
You've had dreams about me?
501
00:36:16,264 --> 00:36:17,763
Not recently.
502
00:36:17,765 --> 00:36:19,931
I've had dreams about you in the past.
503
00:36:19,933 --> 00:36:22,433
I've had dreams about
entire cheerleading squads,
504
00:36:22,435 --> 00:36:24,501
so don't get me wrong.
505
00:36:24,503 --> 00:36:26,769
It's kid stuff, you know.
How 'bout you?
506
00:36:26,771 --> 00:36:28,237
Do I dream?
507
00:36:30,608 --> 00:36:32,541
That's about all I do.
508
00:36:46,489 --> 00:36:50,023
- Raisin' a kid's hard work.
- You got any kids?
509
00:36:50,025 --> 00:36:52,892
No, sir. No, sir. And from
listening to you talking
510
00:36:52,894 --> 00:36:54,793
and from observin' this,
511
00:36:54,795 --> 00:36:58,029
I'm kinda grateful old Emily
turned up infertile.
512
00:37:15,180 --> 00:37:17,980
Shouldn't you be cleaning up the store?
513
00:37:18,816 --> 00:37:20,315
I got plenty of time.
514
00:37:20,884 --> 00:37:22,916
Big store.
Huge.
515
00:37:24,819 --> 00:37:26,285
Always smoke cigars?
516
00:37:27,855 --> 00:37:30,222
I enjoy a good one after a fine meal.
517
00:37:30,224 --> 00:37:32,224
It settles the stomach.
518
00:37:33,393 --> 00:37:35,059
You're the town liar, right?
519
00:37:39,931 --> 00:37:41,096
What?
520
00:37:41,098 --> 00:37:45,166
I'm sorry.
That really came out wrong.
521
00:37:45,168 --> 00:37:46,834
I don't see how something like
that could come out right.
522
00:37:46,836 --> 00:37:48,268
I guess I meant that's what people call you.
523
00:37:48,270 --> 00:37:49,669
But I didn't mean to imply
that it's actually true.
524
00:37:49,671 --> 00:37:50,870
People are actually calling me that?
525
00:37:50,872 --> 00:37:52,504
I thought you knew.
526
00:37:52,506 --> 00:37:54,005
Know what?
That I was the town liar?
527
00:37:54,007 --> 00:37:55,239
You didn't?
528
00:37:55,241 --> 00:37:56,573
No. I'm not.
529
00:37:56,575 --> 00:37:58,174
I think that you might have
the wrong information.
530
00:37:58,176 --> 00:37:59,341
I didn't mean to offend you.
531
00:38:00,610 --> 00:38:02,076
Did you think that was a compliment?
532
00:38:02,078 --> 00:38:04,244
No. No. And I apologize.
533
00:38:04,246 --> 00:38:06,879
You know, I can't repeat things like that.
534
00:38:06,881 --> 00:38:09,448
Don't think about it.
It's all right.
535
00:38:09,450 --> 00:38:12,050
As I said, I think you've got
the wrong information.
536
00:38:12,052 --> 00:38:14,052
But, if people are calling me that,
537
00:38:14,054 --> 00:38:16,687
it's only because they're small,
cheap, petty, and jealous.
538
00:38:16,689 --> 00:38:19,189
Small towns are notorious
for that kinda thing.
539
00:38:19,191 --> 00:38:20,423
I'm sure there's a word for me.
540
00:38:20,425 --> 00:38:21,857
Yeah. Sure.
541
00:38:21,859 --> 00:38:23,058
What do they call me?
542
00:38:23,060 --> 00:38:24,292
A tease.
543
00:38:24,294 --> 00:38:25,693
Tease?
544
00:38:27,563 --> 00:38:29,963
Yeah, I can see that.
545
00:38:31,366 --> 00:38:33,966
Actually, I never teased.
546
00:38:33,968 --> 00:38:36,301
This is becoming amusing.
547
00:38:36,303 --> 00:38:38,202
Who exactly calls me a liar?
548
00:38:38,204 --> 00:38:40,070
Everybody.
549
00:38:40,072 --> 00:38:41,704
Everybody.
No, not everybody.
550
00:38:41,706 --> 00:38:43,205
I'm sure there's some old people in town.
551
00:38:43,207 --> 00:38:44,639
Right.
552
00:38:50,913 --> 00:38:52,612
Well, what do you think?
553
00:38:52,614 --> 00:38:54,279
What do I think?
554
00:38:56,216 --> 00:38:58,082
Do you think I'm a liar?
555
00:38:58,084 --> 00:39:00,283
Well, I don't know you well enough.
556
00:39:01,986 --> 00:39:03,986
You've known me for almost 17 years.
557
00:39:03,988 --> 00:39:06,388
We went to the same schools
from kindergarten on up.
558
00:39:06,390 --> 00:39:09,123
I knew of you, but I didn't
know you personally.
559
00:39:10,493 --> 00:39:12,459
That's always bothered me.
560
00:39:12,461 --> 00:39:16,128
I mean, that old "in-out,
us-them" thing.
561
00:39:16,130 --> 00:39:17,596
That's the way it's been.
562
00:39:17,598 --> 00:39:18,997
I know.
It's always bothered me.
563
00:39:18,999 --> 00:39:21,432
Sure, but it's water over the dam now.
564
00:39:21,434 --> 00:39:24,735
Yeah, but it's your dam and my water.
565
00:39:24,737 --> 00:39:26,503
I got crapped on a lot of years.
566
00:39:26,505 --> 00:39:28,738
I just meant that it's in the past.
567
00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:31,574
Well, the present is a result of the past.
568
00:39:31,576 --> 00:39:33,809
I look at my high school yearbook,
569
00:39:33,811 --> 00:39:36,912
and I don't see four fabulous years.
570
00:39:36,914 --> 00:39:39,114
Actually, what I'm reminded of
is what it feels like
571
00:39:39,116 --> 00:39:41,249
to have my underwear yanked up my ass
572
00:39:41,251 --> 00:39:43,618
by some big football player
with arms like telephone poles.
573
00:39:43,620 --> 00:39:46,153
Okay, and where are those guys now?
574
00:39:47,756 --> 00:39:52,291
I know they're not working nights at Target.
I'll tell you that.
575
00:39:52,293 --> 00:39:55,093
Yeah. You know,
576
00:39:55,095 --> 00:39:57,095
I look at my yearbook
577
00:39:57,097 --> 00:40:00,397
and I see four fabulous years
578
00:40:01,867 --> 00:40:03,800
that are gonna be the highlight of my life.
579
00:40:03,802 --> 00:40:05,935
Here's what it's like...
580
00:40:05,937 --> 00:40:09,204
First, you feel a hand going
down the back of your pants
581
00:40:09,206 --> 00:40:10,939
and tighten around the elastic waistband...
582
00:40:10,941 --> 00:40:12,607
Highlight.
583
00:40:12,609 --> 00:40:14,442
Sometimes I'd actually see stars.
584
00:40:14,444 --> 00:40:16,143
It's not going to get any better.
585
00:40:16,145 --> 00:40:18,678
And if I was particularly unlucky,
586
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,147
my shorts would like rip completely free
587
00:40:21,149 --> 00:40:22,548
and I would get this
really drastic fabric...
588
00:40:22,550 --> 00:40:23,882
Jim? Do you hear me?
589
00:40:26,820 --> 00:40:28,019
Yeah.
590
00:40:31,124 --> 00:40:35,025
I don't really care about a graphic
description of a childhood prank.
591
00:40:35,027 --> 00:40:37,360
Hey, that prank was a motif in my life.
592
00:40:41,832 --> 00:40:45,500
You know, I'm locked in this store here
593
00:40:45,502 --> 00:40:48,503
because I didn't have
the guts to steal a skirt,
594
00:40:48,505 --> 00:40:51,339
so I could get arrested
and embarrass my father
595
00:40:51,341 --> 00:40:53,908
in this stupid, desperate, childish,
596
00:40:53,910 --> 00:40:56,076
pathetic attempt to leave home.
597
00:40:56,078 --> 00:40:58,645
And you have your underwear
yanked up your ass.
598
00:40:58,647 --> 00:41:01,581
I have my entire life yanked up my ass.
599
00:41:03,351 --> 00:41:05,517
Well, you're speaking figuratively.
600
00:41:05,519 --> 00:41:07,585
I was speaking literally.
And you're happy.
601
00:41:07,587 --> 00:41:08,886
You know, you're happy.
602
00:41:10,089 --> 00:41:11,655
I'm not happy.
603
00:41:11,657 --> 00:41:13,323
I'm working nights.
604
00:41:13,325 --> 00:41:15,825
Everybody thinks I'm a liar.
605
00:41:15,827 --> 00:41:17,526
My whole family's laughing at me.
606
00:41:17,528 --> 00:41:19,728
Reverend Harwell gave me
the finger last week.
607
00:41:19,730 --> 00:41:21,096
Okay, okay, you're not happy,
608
00:41:21,098 --> 00:41:22,831
but at least you have
some control over your life.
609
00:41:22,833 --> 00:41:24,799
So do you.
My father controls my life.
610
00:41:25,668 --> 00:41:27,334
You're over 18.
611
00:41:27,336 --> 00:41:29,269
You can tell him to drop dead,
and get on a plane.
612
00:41:29,271 --> 00:41:30,503
So can you.
613
00:41:30,505 --> 00:41:31,637
I don't want to.
614
00:41:33,374 --> 00:41:35,240
I like living at home.
615
00:41:35,242 --> 00:41:36,541
No, you don't.
616
00:41:36,543 --> 00:41:39,410
What am I, a garden snail?
617
00:41:40,513 --> 00:41:42,513
An involuntary muscle in a janitor suit?
618
00:41:42,515 --> 00:41:44,248
I, I know what I want to do.
619
00:41:45,084 --> 00:41:46,683
What could you possibly like
620
00:41:46,685 --> 00:41:49,085
about living at home at your age?
621
00:41:49,087 --> 00:41:53,254
The meals are great. I mean, there's the...
There's cable.
622
00:41:54,690 --> 00:41:57,924
The accommodations
are excellent, five-star.
623
00:41:57,926 --> 00:42:00,046
What do you care if I'm
living at home or not?
624
00:42:01,195 --> 00:42:03,929
Hey, I didn't come here to irritate you.
625
00:42:03,931 --> 00:42:05,597
Well, you're beginning to.
626
00:42:08,868 --> 00:42:11,869
Great.
That's really great.
627
00:42:11,871 --> 00:42:14,872
I gotta stop saying those kinds of things.
628
00:42:14,874 --> 00:42:17,541
Those freakin' kids!
I knew I couldn't trust 'em.
629
00:42:17,543 --> 00:42:20,710
Town liar.
That's a nice rep. Nice rep.
630
00:42:20,712 --> 00:42:22,578
I bet it was Gregory, that little weasel.
631
00:42:22,580 --> 00:42:24,446
Top secret, top secret, I tell 'em,
632
00:42:24,448 --> 00:42:26,214
and they still shoot off their mouths!
633
00:42:26,216 --> 00:42:28,282
If I'd really been a French spy,
634
00:42:28,284 --> 00:42:30,651
those little tots would've gotten me killed!
635
00:42:30,653 --> 00:42:32,619
Piano wire wrapped around my neck.
636
00:42:32,621 --> 00:42:34,287
My testicles shoved down my throat,
637
00:42:34,289 --> 00:42:36,355
a piece of dynamite stuck up my ass.
638
00:42:42,328 --> 00:42:43,693
She's so beautiful.
639
00:42:46,097 --> 00:42:47,663
And I'm the town liar.
640
00:44:31,266 --> 00:44:35,934
Jim, there's no reason to lie right now.
641
00:44:35,936 --> 00:44:38,436
There's no one to impress.
642
00:44:38,438 --> 00:44:40,137
You know, I'm not impressed by a man
643
00:44:40,139 --> 00:44:41,938
telling me he likes living at home.
644
00:44:41,940 --> 00:44:45,341
Excuse me. I'm not lying,
645
00:44:45,343 --> 00:44:47,509
and I'm not trying to impress you.
646
00:44:47,511 --> 00:44:49,711
So, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
647
00:44:49,713 --> 00:44:52,180
I have to clean dead flies
out of the lighting fixtures.
648
00:44:52,182 --> 00:44:55,449
Okay, okay, my error.
I apologize.
649
00:44:55,451 --> 00:44:59,386
It's just that I can't imagine a man,
650
00:44:59,388 --> 00:45:02,755
giving up his independence,
his right to mate,
651
00:45:03,457 --> 00:45:05,290
to have a family,
652
00:45:05,292 --> 00:45:08,726
to have children,
to build a life for himself,
653
00:45:08,728 --> 00:45:09,960
for good cooking.
654
00:45:09,962 --> 00:45:11,294
Hold on.
655
00:45:11,296 --> 00:45:14,130
I have not given up my right to mate.
656
00:45:14,132 --> 00:45:16,465
I have the right to mate
657
00:45:16,467 --> 00:45:19,534
anytime I feel like mating.
658
00:45:20,236 --> 00:45:22,002
You go out with someone.
659
00:45:22,004 --> 00:45:23,803
You bring her home.
660
00:45:23,805 --> 00:45:25,838
You introduce her to...
661
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,907
Mom, Dad, sis, Billy,
662
00:45:29,509 --> 00:45:31,141
Woofie the dog.
663
00:45:31,143 --> 00:45:33,042
Cocktails in the rumpus room, and then
664
00:45:33,911 --> 00:45:35,577
do it on the bunk bed?
665
00:45:37,513 --> 00:45:39,312
Let's analyze that remark.
666
00:45:39,981 --> 00:45:41,847
First, I don't have a dog,
667
00:45:41,849 --> 00:45:43,515
my brother's not named Billy,
668
00:45:43,517 --> 00:45:46,684
and I don't even have a rumpus room.
So I don't even...
669
00:45:46,686 --> 00:45:48,218
You know what I mean.
670
00:45:53,390 --> 00:45:55,957
Yeah, I know what you mean.
671
00:45:57,060 --> 00:45:58,893
Spit on me, make me feel lousy.
672
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,066
Jim?
673
00:46:08,436 --> 00:46:10,669
You said something that wasn't true.
674
00:46:11,538 --> 00:46:13,170
No.
675
00:46:13,172 --> 00:46:17,773
No, I said that I can
have sex when I want to,
676
00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:20,609
and I do. I do.
677
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:23,677
However, I was looking forward to a
nice, quiet evening of janitoring.
678
00:46:26,348 --> 00:46:28,388
I don't think you see what I'm getting at.
679
00:46:28,850 --> 00:46:30,783
I see what you're getting at.
680
00:46:30,785 --> 00:46:33,385
I'm a lying monk with an Oedipus complex
681
00:46:33,387 --> 00:46:34,686
and an appetite for home cooking.
682
00:46:34,688 --> 00:46:36,287
Don't forget. You're
the indecisive shoplifter.
683
00:46:36,289 --> 00:46:38,289
Yes! Exactly!
684
00:46:38,291 --> 00:46:40,457
I would do anything to be in your shoes.
685
00:46:41,126 --> 00:46:43,693
These are Darnell's shoes.
686
00:46:43,695 --> 00:46:46,328
You know, you have freedom,
and you're not using it.
687
00:46:47,531 --> 00:46:49,464
It makes me sad.
688
00:46:49,466 --> 00:46:52,033
Well, you have the collective
wealth of the entire town,
689
00:46:52,035 --> 00:46:54,802
and you're trying to get yourself arrested.
Now, that makes me sad.
690
00:46:54,804 --> 00:46:56,870
That makes me sad, too.
691
00:46:56,872 --> 00:46:58,204
That's pretty stupid.
692
00:46:58,206 --> 00:46:59,471
It's very stupid.
693
00:47:00,740 --> 00:47:02,706
Are you serious?
694
00:47:02,708 --> 00:47:04,974
I mean, you haven't been drinking?
695
00:47:04,976 --> 00:47:06,775
This isn't the bottle talking?
696
00:47:07,544 --> 00:47:08,876
No.
697
00:47:09,812 --> 00:47:12,545
Then why don't you just talk to the guy?
698
00:47:14,715 --> 00:47:17,615
For the same reason
that you can't leave home,
699
00:47:17,617 --> 00:47:19,616
I can't tell my father to go to hell.
700
00:47:21,219 --> 00:47:22,685
Why not?
701
00:47:25,423 --> 00:47:28,290
Because I don't want to be alone.
702
00:47:56,017 --> 00:47:57,649
Mr. McClellan?
703
00:47:59,119 --> 00:48:02,186
You ever have any family
problems, you and your daughter?
704
00:48:03,322 --> 00:48:05,354
What the hell do you think this is?
705
00:48:07,191 --> 00:48:08,590
You got a point.
706
00:48:14,464 --> 00:48:16,163
Would you go with me somewhere?
707
00:48:19,134 --> 00:48:20,766
Where?
Florida?
708
00:48:21,435 --> 00:48:23,601
Wyoming? Spain?
709
00:48:23,603 --> 00:48:25,836
It doesn't really matter,
just away somewhere.
710
00:48:27,272 --> 00:48:28,771
I'd love to.
711
00:48:29,507 --> 00:48:32,174
I just can't afford to be
712
00:48:32,176 --> 00:48:34,309
capricious and carefree like yourself.
713
00:48:34,311 --> 00:48:38,078
I, I've gotta set my sights on
something and really go for it.
714
00:48:39,147 --> 00:48:40,613
Night janitor?
715
00:48:41,549 --> 00:48:43,615
It's a beginning.
I'm looking at...
716
00:48:43,617 --> 00:48:45,249
It's an end.
717
00:48:47,786 --> 00:48:49,952
Maybe if you had,
like, a destination in mind,
718
00:48:49,954 --> 00:48:52,220
that would make all the
difference in the world.
719
00:48:53,289 --> 00:48:55,455
Why?
720
00:48:55,457 --> 00:48:57,957
Well, I'm, I'm just not
721
00:48:57,959 --> 00:49:00,326
built to aimlessly roam the world.
722
00:49:00,328 --> 00:49:02,694
I'm too conservative for that.
723
00:49:04,130 --> 00:49:05,996
Well,
724
00:49:05,998 --> 00:49:08,131
I was thinking about Los Angeles.
725
00:49:11,402 --> 00:49:12,634
What for?
726
00:49:12,636 --> 00:49:13,701
Live. Work.
727
00:49:15,404 --> 00:49:17,137
At what?
Whatever.
728
00:49:17,873 --> 00:49:19,973
And what about your father?
729
00:49:21,643 --> 00:49:23,509
When I don't die,
730
00:49:23,511 --> 00:49:26,745
he'll realize that I can make it on my own.
731
00:49:26,747 --> 00:49:30,915
If I do, he'll have the satisfaction
of knowing that I can't.
732
00:49:30,917 --> 00:49:34,318
If I run and he brings me back,
or if I go back on my own,
733
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,019
either way he's just, gonna
beat the shit out of me.
734
00:49:36,021 --> 00:49:37,754
So it doesn't really make a difference.
735
00:49:37,756 --> 00:49:39,222
What, literally?
736
00:49:42,893 --> 00:49:43,958
Yeah.
737
00:49:45,328 --> 00:49:46,660
Sad.
738
00:49:47,596 --> 00:49:48,995
Yeah, it's sad.
739
00:49:48,997 --> 00:49:51,397
Until he throws you
across the room, it's sad.
740
00:49:52,433 --> 00:49:53,999
I'm just afraid to live with him,
741
00:49:54,001 --> 00:49:55,700
and I'm afraid to
live without... You know,
742
00:49:55,702 --> 00:49:58,669
you didn't come to work to hear this stuff.
I'm really sorry.
743
00:49:58,671 --> 00:50:00,003
That's all right.
744
00:50:00,005 --> 00:50:01,237
I'm gonna clean this up.
745
00:50:09,380 --> 00:50:11,446
I'm, I'm just surprised.
746
00:50:11,448 --> 00:50:13,414
I thought everything was okay, you know.
747
00:50:14,350 --> 00:50:15,716
I figured you got a nice car, you got
748
00:50:15,718 --> 00:50:17,017
a nice house, you got some money.
749
00:50:17,019 --> 00:50:18,418
Everything's okay.
750
00:50:18,420 --> 00:50:20,186
It should be,
751
00:50:20,188 --> 00:50:21,787
but it's not.
752
00:50:21,789 --> 00:50:23,855
It's twisted, and it's distorted,
753
00:50:23,857 --> 00:50:26,524
and it can't be changed,
and it cannot be saved.
754
00:50:34,066 --> 00:50:35,465
I'll go with you.
755
00:50:40,772 --> 00:50:42,304
Really?
756
00:50:43,408 --> 00:50:44,707
Yeah.
757
00:50:46,577 --> 00:50:48,209
We have to get a car.
758
00:50:49,579 --> 00:50:51,412
Let's get through the night, first.
759
00:50:51,414 --> 00:50:52,880
I have money.
760
00:50:52,882 --> 00:50:54,047
How much?
761
00:50:54,049 --> 00:50:55,715
$52,000.
762
00:50:58,186 --> 00:50:59,385
On you?
763
00:51:01,055 --> 00:51:02,820
In my purse.
764
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,099
$52,000. Wow.
765
00:51:19,335 --> 00:51:21,668
I've never seen so much money in my life.
766
00:51:21,670 --> 00:51:23,969
This is more than my house cost.
767
00:51:25,339 --> 00:51:27,405
Jim,
768
00:51:27,407 --> 00:51:29,607
now that I'm spending the night,
769
00:51:29,609 --> 00:51:31,275
how can I pay you back
770
00:51:31,277 --> 00:51:33,677
for being so cold to you in high school?
771
00:51:36,515 --> 00:51:38,348
Do you need an answer right away?
772
00:51:38,616 --> 00:51:39,915
No.
773
00:51:40,851 --> 00:51:42,750
Sometime before the sun comes up.
774
00:51:46,121 --> 00:51:47,753
Well,
775
00:51:48,689 --> 00:51:50,689
you're probably not going to remember this,
776
00:51:50,924 --> 00:51:53,190
but,
777
00:51:53,192 --> 00:51:55,792
there was a homecoming dance
our sophomore year.
778
00:51:57,095 --> 00:51:58,360
Do you remember Mrs. Noble?
779
00:51:59,529 --> 00:52:02,196
Large, hairy gym teacher
780
00:52:02,198 --> 00:52:04,064
with a suspiciously cumbersome groin bulge?
781
00:52:04,066 --> 00:52:05,799
I had her for two years.
782
00:52:05,801 --> 00:52:07,300
Well, she made everybody switch partners
783
00:52:07,302 --> 00:52:08,701
because all the fat girls
were dancing together,
784
00:52:08,703 --> 00:52:10,302
and the doinks, myself included,
785
00:52:10,304 --> 00:52:11,870
were standing against the wall,
786
00:52:11,872 --> 00:52:14,072
blowing spit bubbles.
Right.
787
00:52:14,074 --> 00:52:19,844
Well, for three-quarters
of one verse of a slow song,
788
00:52:21,314 --> 00:52:22,680
we danced together.
789
00:52:24,316 --> 00:52:25,715
You reeked of Stridex.
790
00:52:26,884 --> 00:52:28,617
No, that was Larry Fry.
791
00:52:29,886 --> 00:52:31,218
I'm sorry.
792
00:52:32,487 --> 00:52:33,719
I don't remember.
793
00:52:33,721 --> 00:52:35,754
Well...
794
00:52:35,756 --> 00:52:37,689
You got your hair caught in my braces.
795
00:52:38,391 --> 00:52:39,890
I don't remember.
796
00:52:39,892 --> 00:52:41,291
Well, it's not important.
797
00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:45,260
I had...
798
00:52:45,262 --> 00:52:46,894
Well, I just always...
799
00:52:47,963 --> 00:52:49,963
Dreamed of finishing that dance.
800
00:52:53,234 --> 00:52:54,299
Okay.
801
00:52:57,570 --> 00:53:01,171
Don't, don't feel
you have to answer right away.
802
00:53:01,173 --> 00:53:04,641
It's just a small portion
of my life that's incomplete.
803
00:53:04,643 --> 00:53:06,909
I thought you were gonna say
something different.
804
00:53:13,083 --> 00:53:14,582
Well,
805
00:53:16,452 --> 00:53:18,151
first things first.
806
00:53:34,199 --> 00:53:38,233
♫ When things go wrong ♫
807
00:53:39,436 --> 00:53:42,370
♫ As they sometimes will ♫
808
00:53:42,372 --> 00:53:46,941
♫ When the road you're
trudging seems all uphill 00:53:54,180
♫ When the funds are low ♫
810
00:53:55,516 --> 00:53:58,783
♫ And the debts are high ♫
811
00:53:58,785 --> 00:54:03,687
♫ And you want to smile
but you have to sigh ♫
812
00:54:07,059 --> 00:54:10,360
00:54:14,997
♫ Is pressing you down a bit ♫
814
00:54:14,999 --> 00:54:18,033
♫ Rest if you must ♫
815
00:54:21,304 --> 00:54:23,970
♫ But don't you quit ♫
816
00:54:25,807 --> 00:54:28,407
00:54:32,443
♫ Don't you quit ♫
818
00:54:33,979 --> 00:54:35,945
♫ No ♫
819
00:54:51,395 --> 00:54:55,696
♫ But you never can tell ♫
820
00:54:55,698 --> 00:55:00,033
00:55:05,638
♫ It may be near when it seems so far ♫
822
00:56:22,006 --> 00:56:23,638
Officer Don!
823
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:25,906
You scared the crap out of me.
824
00:56:25,908 --> 00:56:28,408
I thought it was the custodian.
825
00:56:28,410 --> 00:56:30,510
Jim, what are you doing in there?
826
00:56:30,512 --> 00:56:32,478
I work here now.
827
00:56:37,584 --> 00:56:39,650
You wanna let me in?
828
00:56:39,652 --> 00:56:42,819
I'd love to let you in.
I don't have the keys.
829
00:56:42,821 --> 00:56:44,654
I'm locked in
here till 7:00 a.m.
830
00:56:45,156 --> 00:56:46,688
What's going on?
831
00:56:46,690 --> 00:56:48,923
Have you seen Josie McClellan?
832
00:56:50,359 --> 00:56:52,692
Of course...
833
00:56:53,494 --> 00:56:57,094
Dark hair, green eyes, beautiful.
834
00:56:57,096 --> 00:56:58,495
Yeah. Of course.
835
00:56:58,497 --> 00:56:59,762
You seen her recently?
836
00:57:01,599 --> 00:57:05,100
Matter of fact, I just
saw her yesterday, yeah.
837
00:57:05,102 --> 00:57:07,335
We had a cup of java together.
838
00:57:07,337 --> 00:57:09,537
She come into the store?
839
00:57:09,539 --> 00:57:12,106
I don't know.
I only work nights.
840
00:57:12,108 --> 00:57:14,074
Why?
Well,
841
00:57:15,210 --> 00:57:17,043
she's missing.
842
00:57:17,045 --> 00:57:20,780
Now, I was looking around this side
of town for her and I come past.
843
00:57:20,782 --> 00:57:23,682
I seen that the outside sign's on.
844
00:57:23,684 --> 00:57:26,084
The outside sign's never on.
845
00:57:26,653 --> 00:57:28,452
Yeah. Yeah.
846
00:57:28,454 --> 00:57:30,187
Did you try the library?
847
00:57:30,189 --> 00:57:32,588
Because, you know,
maybe she fell asleep reading.
848
00:57:33,824 --> 00:57:35,557
No.
849
00:57:35,559 --> 00:57:38,860
She's probably just screwing somebody
the old man don't approve of.
850
00:57:44,633 --> 00:57:46,065
Would you know...
851
00:57:46,067 --> 00:57:50,468
If the custodian comes by
to check up on people?
852
00:57:50,470 --> 00:57:53,304
No, I wouldn't think he'd do that, Jimmy.
853
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,407
I feel pretty good now.
854
00:58:05,484 --> 00:58:07,183
I'm sorry, sir.
855
00:58:07,185 --> 00:58:09,485
I had to practice a little therapy.
856
00:58:10,154 --> 00:58:11,887
Boy's in his own world.
857
01:00:44,940 --> 01:00:46,820
Why don't we get underneath the bench?
858
01:00:50,078 --> 01:00:51,744
Do you want to get on top?
859
01:01:00,087 --> 01:01:02,320
You check the office.
I'll scope the dressing rooms.
860
01:01:02,322 --> 01:01:03,821
Right.
861
01:01:12,330 --> 01:01:13,828
You're on top.
862
01:01:16,098 --> 01:01:17,464
Did you want to be on top?
863
01:01:17,466 --> 01:01:19,332
No.
864
01:01:19,334 --> 01:01:22,001
No, no, I'm fine where I am.
865
01:01:22,269 --> 01:01:23,668
Sure.
866
01:02:02,139 --> 01:02:04,072
I think he went to the back.
867
01:02:15,752 --> 01:02:17,485
Evening.
868
01:02:21,390 --> 01:02:23,690
Nice.
869
01:02:23,692 --> 01:02:25,525
Excellent.
870
01:02:25,527 --> 01:02:28,827
Hey, you got a tattoo?
871
01:02:31,264 --> 01:02:32,429
No, sir.
872
01:02:32,431 --> 01:02:33,997
Not you, asshole!
873
01:02:33,999 --> 01:02:36,065
I'm a missing person.
874
01:02:36,067 --> 01:02:38,700
The whole town is looking for me.
875
01:02:38,702 --> 01:02:41,669
What, are you hidin' out?
Yes.
876
01:02:41,671 --> 01:02:44,038
And I would appreciate
it if you'd let us sit up.
877
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:45,939
What about the tattoo?
878
01:02:46,775 --> 01:02:48,841
I don't have one.
879
01:02:48,843 --> 01:02:50,175
You owe me a buck.
880
01:02:50,177 --> 01:02:51,609
Actually, it's up to two.
881
01:02:51,611 --> 01:02:54,445
I borrowed that one off you at Burger King.
882
01:02:54,447 --> 01:02:56,079
Excuse me.
883
01:02:57,615 --> 01:03:00,015
Are you planning to shoot us
in the back of the head?
884
01:03:00,017 --> 01:03:02,750
We haven't decided yet, have we?
885
01:03:04,353 --> 01:03:05,752
Who are you?
886
01:03:05,754 --> 01:03:08,521
You don't want to know.
887
01:03:08,523 --> 01:03:10,956
He wouldn't have asked if he
didn't want to know, butthead.
888
01:03:10,958 --> 01:03:12,924
He's a little crazy.
He's my brother.
889
01:03:12,926 --> 01:03:14,926
He's not quite right.
That's not true.
890
01:03:15,428 --> 01:03:16,860
She doesn't even know me.
891
01:03:16,862 --> 01:03:18,428
Somebody better start talking straight here.
892
01:03:18,430 --> 01:03:19,929
That's the truth.
893
01:03:20,197 --> 01:03:22,129
Okay.
894
01:03:24,366 --> 01:03:25,965
You want to know?
895
01:03:27,034 --> 01:03:28,933
Okay, good.
896
01:03:29,368 --> 01:03:31,134
But...
897
01:03:32,303 --> 01:03:34,336
Come on over here.
898
01:03:35,205 --> 01:03:37,738
- What?
- Come on over.
899
01:03:37,740 --> 01:03:39,706
Come on over here! Over here.
900
01:03:57,324 --> 01:03:59,123
Come on down here.
901
01:04:02,094 --> 01:04:03,854
That's right.
Down here. Down here.
902
01:04:06,764 --> 01:04:08,130
Okay.
903
01:04:09,666 --> 01:04:12,133
You dumb sons of bitches.
904
01:04:13,136 --> 01:04:16,170
Do you realize that you have just walked
905
01:04:16,172 --> 01:04:19,739
straight into a $60-million
drug transaction?
906
01:04:22,442 --> 01:04:23,774
So, you're running this
907
01:04:23,776 --> 01:04:27,277
multi-zillion-dollar
drug transaction by yourself?
908
01:04:27,279 --> 01:04:29,112
Little Target boy.
909
01:04:29,114 --> 01:04:31,247
No.
910
01:04:31,249 --> 01:04:33,916
No, I'm not doing it by myself.
911
01:04:33,918 --> 01:04:35,550
No, no.
912
01:04:36,786 --> 01:04:38,218
As a matter of fact,
913
01:04:39,754 --> 01:04:41,754
in about 10 minutes,
914
01:04:41,756 --> 01:04:44,957
this place is gonna be
alive with the meanest,
915
01:04:44,959 --> 01:04:48,527
ugliest, most impatient animals
you guys have ever seen.
916
01:04:48,529 --> 01:04:51,930
So I'll tell you what, I'll
give you five minutes to take
917
01:04:51,932 --> 01:04:54,632
whatever you want in the whole store.
Anything you want and just go.
918
01:04:54,634 --> 01:04:57,600
I won't tell. Just go. Just
take your guns and go. Scoot.
919
01:04:58,336 --> 01:05:00,068
Okay, then, who's the girl?
920
01:05:02,439 --> 01:05:03,671
I'm his hostage.
921
01:05:03,673 --> 01:05:04,838
Yes, yes.
922
01:05:05,941 --> 01:05:08,942
Is that true?
923
01:05:08,944 --> 01:05:11,344
Yes! Yes, it's true.
924
01:05:11,779 --> 01:05:13,545
And...
925
01:05:16,650 --> 01:05:18,750
If the deal doesn't go down,
926
01:05:19,385 --> 01:05:20,784
she becomes pig feed.
927
01:05:20,786 --> 01:05:21,951
Bullshit.
928
01:05:22,386 --> 01:05:23,852
Oh, yeah.
929
01:05:26,823 --> 01:05:28,022
Well, blow her away.
930
01:05:28,024 --> 01:05:30,124
You've had that's bullshit!
931
01:05:31,460 --> 01:05:32,892
Come on.
932
01:05:34,295 --> 01:05:37,728
Then give me your guns
and I'll do it for you.
933
01:05:38,897 --> 01:05:40,029
It's bullshit, right?
934
01:05:41,665 --> 01:05:43,097
We'll see.
935
01:05:45,701 --> 01:05:47,333
Roll over.
936
01:05:47,335 --> 01:05:48,834
Come on, you heard him.
What?
937
01:05:48,836 --> 01:05:50,869
Roll over!
That's right. You too, honey.
938
01:05:50,871 --> 01:05:53,238
You heard me.
Roll over. Come on, do it!
939
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:56,974
Come on, come on! Roll! Roll.
That's it. Very good.
940
01:05:56,976 --> 01:06:00,310
Yeah.
941
01:06:00,312 --> 01:06:03,246
Give me the guns.
942
01:06:04,983 --> 01:06:06,515
No way, man..
943
01:06:06,517 --> 01:06:08,250
Fine. Fine.
944
01:06:08,252 --> 01:06:10,385
You do it. I don't
need her anymore, anyway.
945
01:06:11,721 --> 01:06:13,420
I only needed her to get through customs.
946
01:06:13,422 --> 01:06:15,088
I don't like this.
947
01:06:15,090 --> 01:06:16,756
This sucks. It's not worth it.
948
01:06:16,758 --> 01:06:18,324
Come on, we don't
have much time. Do it!
949
01:06:18,326 --> 01:06:19,758
All right.
950
01:06:23,597 --> 01:06:25,330
It's nothing personal.
951
01:06:25,332 --> 01:06:27,092
Jim!
Too late. They're here!
952
01:06:29,001 --> 01:06:30,500
It's too late. They're here.
953
01:06:30,502 --> 01:06:32,262
Men, hold your fire.
Hold the fire.
954
01:06:32,870 --> 01:06:34,769
Ned in housewares, hold your fire.
955
01:06:34,771 --> 01:06:36,570
Tommy in sporting goods, hold your fire.
956
01:06:36,572 --> 01:06:37,904
Ned, hold your fire.
957
01:06:37,906 --> 01:06:40,273
There are infrared scopes
trained on your heads.
958
01:06:40,275 --> 01:06:41,841
We didn't want this!
959
01:06:41,843 --> 01:06:43,523
It's the girl you want, not us!
960
01:06:44,412 --> 01:06:45,844
Just relax, okay.
Ned, we got a WD-40.
961
01:06:45,846 --> 01:06:47,345
That's right.
A full-scale PMS.
962
01:06:47,347 --> 01:06:49,046
Okay, everybody, just relax!
963
01:06:49,048 --> 01:06:51,915
Now, now, everybody just relax.
964
01:06:51,917 --> 01:06:53,683
Okay, the whole place is gonna blow.
965
01:06:53,685 --> 01:06:54,850
Everybody just relax.
966
01:06:54,852 --> 01:06:56,685
Now, put down your guns.
Put the guns down.
967
01:06:56,687 --> 01:06:58,219
Ned, they're putting down the guns.
968
01:06:58,221 --> 01:06:59,920
Are you putting them down?
They are putting them down.
969
01:06:59,922 --> 01:07:02,355
Now, get down, 'cause
lives are at stake here.
970
01:07:02,357 --> 01:07:05,757
Let go. Let go, let go.
Now, get back, get back.
971
01:07:07,193 --> 01:07:10,627
Spread 'em. Spread the legs.
Put down the dogs.
972
01:07:10,629 --> 01:07:13,196
Okay, put the dogs down.
Put the dogs down.
973
01:07:13,198 --> 01:07:15,631
Both of 'em!
Put the dogs down! Down!
974
01:07:17,368 --> 01:07:19,234
That was great!
975
01:07:19,236 --> 01:07:20,969
I got a big surprise for you guys.
976
01:07:20,971 --> 01:07:23,804
We have a bit of a surprise for you, too.
977
01:07:25,308 --> 01:07:27,074
Them guns aren't loaded.
978
01:07:37,551 --> 01:07:39,350
I got an idea.
979
01:07:39,352 --> 01:07:41,318
How about a truce?
980
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:44,321
I'm full of shit.
You're full of shit.
981
01:07:44,323 --> 01:07:47,057
I think everybody at one time
in their life is full of shit.
982
01:07:47,059 --> 01:07:48,658
I'll throw on a couple of corn dogs
983
01:07:48,660 --> 01:07:50,760
and we'll all get to know each other.
984
01:07:50,762 --> 01:07:53,062
I'd like to know what
goes on inside your heads.
985
01:07:53,064 --> 01:07:55,364
Okay, you had the big one, you had the...
986
01:07:55,366 --> 01:07:57,032
No.
987
01:07:57,034 --> 01:07:58,914
Sorry. I could've
sworn you had the big one.
988
01:08:03,072 --> 01:08:05,105
I lied.
989
01:08:08,910 --> 01:08:11,943
These are the men that
killed that guy in Saltburg.
990
01:08:13,046 --> 01:08:15,413
I'm fairly sure that we're gonna die.
991
01:08:15,415 --> 01:08:17,214
I just want to tell
you how disappointed I am
992
01:08:17,216 --> 01:08:19,015
that we're not going to California together.
993
01:08:19,017 --> 01:08:20,750
We're not dead yet.
994
01:08:21,853 --> 01:08:24,520
Pretty darn close.
No.
995
01:08:24,522 --> 01:08:27,122
If I can get them to take me with them,
996
01:08:27,124 --> 01:08:29,524
maybe I can get away and come back for you.
997
01:08:29,526 --> 01:08:32,259
Don't forget we need a car
and they obviously have one.
998
01:08:33,629 --> 01:08:35,562
Just...
999
01:08:35,564 --> 01:08:36,963
Go along with whatever I do, okay?
1000
01:08:36,965 --> 01:08:38,331
Okay.
1001
01:08:50,711 --> 01:08:52,744
So, what's the word on you two?
1002
01:08:52,746 --> 01:08:56,447
Are you married?
Obviously, you're...
1003
01:08:56,449 --> 01:08:59,716
Hack crooks if you can't pull
off a discount store job.
1004
01:09:01,786 --> 01:09:04,453
What were you planning to steal?
A little hair spray?
1005
01:09:08,957 --> 01:09:10,022
Sorry.
1006
01:09:14,227 --> 01:09:15,459
Lady, you got a job?
1007
01:09:17,563 --> 01:09:19,062
No.
1008
01:09:19,064 --> 01:09:20,463
Well, then don't knock ours.
1009
01:09:21,432 --> 01:09:23,565
Crime isn't a job.
It's a sickness.
1010
01:09:28,571 --> 01:09:29,903
Whoops.
1011
01:09:30,805 --> 01:09:32,070
Anyone have some change?
1012
01:09:43,949 --> 01:09:46,916
You look like a lady in need of a quarter.
1013
01:09:46,918 --> 01:09:49,250
I might need more than just a quarter.
1014
01:09:51,921 --> 01:09:54,621
You know...
No.
1015
01:09:54,623 --> 01:09:56,489
You and I could make a lot of money.
1016
01:09:56,491 --> 01:09:59,425
Honey, me and Nestor are partners.
1017
01:09:59,427 --> 01:10:01,527
Okay? We don't need a third.
1018
01:10:01,529 --> 01:10:04,062
You don't know what you need,
so why don't you shut up?
1019
01:10:07,467 --> 01:10:09,500
Hop on.
1020
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:27,346
Now.
1021
01:10:27,981 --> 01:10:29,714
Let's go now.
1022
01:10:31,150 --> 01:10:32,382
Know what you are?
1023
01:10:32,384 --> 01:10:33,516
Yeah.
1024
01:10:33,518 --> 01:10:36,418
You are one
good-looking ball of trouble.
1025
01:10:39,623 --> 01:10:40,855
Good.
1026
01:11:18,027 --> 01:11:19,493
What do you think, for the car?
1027
01:11:19,495 --> 01:11:21,061
This one?
1028
01:11:21,063 --> 01:11:24,330
No, the whole thing. We'll
just lay it down in the back.
1029
01:11:24,332 --> 01:11:26,398
We got
multi-cassette capabilities.
1030
01:11:26,400 --> 01:11:27,899
Think of the sound.
1031
01:11:55,227 --> 01:11:58,361
Let me just tell you. I'm not
helping you load your car.
1032
01:11:58,363 --> 01:12:00,229
Think again, boy.
1033
01:12:00,231 --> 01:12:04,032
You're not going to take the stolen
merchandise out of the store. No.
1034
01:12:04,034 --> 01:12:05,199
I'm not gonna let you.
1035
01:12:05,201 --> 01:12:06,700
Get out.
1036
01:12:06,702 --> 01:12:07,867
It's stolen. All of it!
1037
01:12:07,869 --> 01:12:09,034
- Give me! Give me!
- No!
1038
01:12:09,036 --> 01:12:11,036
It's mine!
Give it to me!
1039
01:12:11,038 --> 01:12:12,370
It's mine.
1040
01:12:16,808 --> 01:12:19,108
But where... Wait a minute.
1041
01:12:22,546 --> 01:12:23,878
You're not going with them?
1042
01:12:23,880 --> 01:12:25,145
Yeah.
1043
01:12:26,214 --> 01:12:27,946
You'll be an accessory.
1044
01:12:29,549 --> 01:12:31,715
So?
1045
01:12:31,717 --> 01:12:33,717
So? You don't know
anything about them.
1046
01:12:33,719 --> 01:12:35,719
You certainly don't know anything about him.
1047
01:12:35,721 --> 01:12:37,220
These are hardened criminals here!
1048
01:12:37,222 --> 01:12:39,322
Okay, come here. That's enough.
That's enough!
1049
01:12:39,324 --> 01:12:40,389
Gil.
1050
01:12:42,793 --> 01:12:45,460
Don't waste your time.
You could get a hernia.
1051
01:12:45,462 --> 01:12:47,628
You know, if my foot could talk,
1052
01:12:47,630 --> 01:12:50,631
it would say, "May I please
go up this geek's ass?"
1053
01:12:50,633 --> 01:12:51,832
Forget him!
Forget him.
1054
01:12:51,834 --> 01:12:53,466
Come on! All right.
Get him!
1055
01:12:53,468 --> 01:12:56,235
He's no use to us. After all,
the guy's built like an oyster.
1056
01:12:56,237 --> 01:12:57,802
Listen, little mister.
1057
01:13:00,439 --> 01:13:02,105
If you tell on us,
1058
01:13:02,107 --> 01:13:03,473
I'll kill you.
1059
01:13:09,446 --> 01:13:10,711
Fine.
1060
01:13:15,783 --> 01:13:17,649
Jim.
1061
01:13:26,158 --> 01:13:27,757
Don't be an ass.
1062
01:13:30,428 --> 01:13:32,994
Okay, Jimbo?
1063
01:13:35,098 --> 01:13:36,897
Let's go, shall we?
1064
01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:08,259
Come on, come on, come on!
1065
01:14:26,841 --> 01:14:29,374
I got 'em.
I got 'em. I got 'em.
1066
01:15:52,723 --> 01:15:55,490
That wasn't a store robbery.
1067
01:15:55,492 --> 01:15:57,825
That was an assassination.
1068
01:15:57,827 --> 01:15:59,893
That wasn't a clerk.
That was a wise guy.
1069
01:16:00,729 --> 01:16:02,829
How do I know?
1070
01:16:02,831 --> 01:16:06,165
I spent a little time with the
FBI's organized crime unit.
1071
01:16:06,167 --> 01:16:08,133
I guess you could say that
I'm intimately knowledgeable
1072
01:16:08,135 --> 01:16:10,001
with the seedy and rancorous
workings of the mob
1073
01:16:10,003 --> 01:16:12,770
in the Midwest section of this country.
1074
01:16:12,772 --> 01:16:15,639
Let me just say, I know a
gangland slaying when I see one,
1075
01:16:15,641 --> 01:16:17,641
and that's exactly what this baby is.
1076
01:16:19,277 --> 01:16:23,012
I'd look into myself personally,
but I got a date tonight.
1077
01:16:31,588 --> 01:16:33,553
Attention Target shoppers.
1078
01:17:21,398 --> 01:17:22,830
Jim!
1079
01:18:17,786 --> 01:18:20,353
He is so cool.